As of today, I have been a widow, longer than I was Jason’s wife.
We were married for 17 months and 23 days. He died 17 months and 24 days ago.
That is a really hard fact for me to get my head around. Almost 18 months without him, and fast approaching my Wedding Anniversary.
March 5th should mark three years married to my soulmate, yet he was only around for the first one. Last year was a total blur. My driving test was booked for the following day, and Bee was due eight days later, so I had plenty to keep me occupied.
This year seems so empty.
It falls on a Saturday this year, which means I can do something with the boys, but it’s hard to celebrate a special day like this without it becoming sad. The last thing I want is for the children to feel my sadness.
To update everyone on where we currently are in life, the boys are wonderful, as always. Barnaby has just mastered crawling at 10 1/2 months (lazy baby) but loves climbing stairs and eating everything he can find on the floor. George is really enjoying playgroup, and has decided he will be an actor when he grows up! And Toby. Ah Toby. He is an amazingly funny, opinionated, spirited little thing, with a stubborn streak just like his Mummy.
I am single. I have dated a couple of people, but it didn’t work out, yet I remain optimistic that I won’t be alone forever. Saying that, though, I am very happy as things are. For now.
All three boys and I travelled to London last week, to stay with a fellow Widow. I took them on the train and I was very apprehensive in the week leading up to the journey, but the boys outdid themselves! They were exceptionally well behaved, and were a pleasure to be around. So much so, that as we got off the train, a man stopped the boys to give them £5 for being so good! I was super proud, and it reaffirmed to me that I am not doing an awful job. It is always nice to know that I’m not completely biased, and my boys are actually pretty cool kids! We travelled with just a sling, a bag of clothes, and enough snacks to last for two months. It was incredibly empowering, and I felt like I could take on the world afterwards. Until bed time, anyway.
In the last five weeks we have had more decorating done in the house too, which meant all four of us shared a room for the whole five weeks. That was quite possibly, one of the most stupid things we have done. Who in their right mind puts them self through that? Someone who figures they have been through worse in the last 18 months, that’s who!
Tomorrow it is back to school after half term, and back to routine. I thrive off having a plan in place. Knowing where I need to be, and when things need to be done by, helps keep me focussed. You won’t hear me saying that between 7 and 7.45am though as I keep hitting snooze on my alarm!
At New Year I asked for suggestions on challenges I could try and complete this year, and I am happy to say I have firm plans in place to achieve a few of them, and I will update later in the year!
Lots of love to you all 😘