Bee’s First Shoes

Today I bought Bee his first pair of shoes!

Days like today, my heart aches just a little bit more than usual.

Another milestone that his Daddy has missed. Another step in growing up, growing further away from the man he never met.

My tiny little baby, oblivious to the turmoil we endured when he was safely tucked away in my tummy. Unaware of the pain that Toby, George and I felt.

Days like today, I reflect on what has passed, and wonder what our future holds. Will Barnaby ever feel like he ‘knows’ Jason, or will he feel as though he is a stranger? I really hope that I do Jason justice in the things I tell Bee about him. I hope that I keep him alive, through my memories. I hope that Barnaby understands that his Daddy would have adored him, and would have done anything at all to give him the best life possible.

All I can do is hope.13177694_1236560409712020_4781413310101171121_n