Hello August

August is here again, and I’m not sure I am ready.

In 3 weeks and 6 days, it will be 2 years since Jason died.

2 years since I last heard his voice. Since I last hugged him, and since he last heard me say just how much I love him. I don’t feel ready for it to have been so long.

His last cuddle as we fell asleep the night before he died is still so fresh in my mind. If I close my eyes and think about it, I can almost feel the warmth of his feet next to mine, and can almost feel the tickle of his hand on my leg.

I hope that never begins to feel distant, but as 2 years approaches, I get scared that my memories will fade. I am terrified I will no longer be able to shut my eyes and feel him next to me.

I am worried because 2 years is a long time to not see someone for. You start to forget little things, like the freckles on their body, or how they pronounce certain words. I want to make sure I remember every single tiny detail about my Husband, but it is impossible. I am scared I will forget.

I will keep looking at photos and videos, and talking about all the little things that I want to remember, in the hopes that I don’t lose anything precious from my brain.

The count down to 2 years begins. In the mean time, just the small matter of the summer holidays to contend with. Woop de doo.