It is hard to adjust to no longer feeling guilty for being happy.
It is hard to sometimes need to tell myself that it is ok to enjoy my life.
It is hard to be so caught up in a moment, that I forget how awful some of my past has been, then come crashing down when I return to reality.
But I am in a good place now.
I no longer beat myself up for enjoying the life I ended up with. I no longer need to remind myself that it is ok to enjoy life. I no longer have that realisation of the cloud hanging over me.
I feel free. Free of the guilt and burden that I should grieve every waking moment, for a man that I will always love so dearly. I feel like I can live my life to the fullest again, and allow myself to feel. To feel love. To feel happiness.
This is not how I thought life would turn out, but the life I ended up with, is pretty amazing. I am happier than I could have ever imagined almost two years ago, and I am free of guilt for saying that.
This is a second chance at life for me, I will live it to the fullest I can.
I am happy.