I am back to where it all began. Square one.
I started writing about my experience after Jason’s death to fill the silent time whilst sat at the top of the stairs, during the transition from sleeping in Mummy’s bed with cuddles, to going to sleep without Mummy there. I would sit for an hour some nights, just in case I was needed, because I would hate for my children to feel scared and alone.
Only last time it was George. This time is is Bee.
Back then I had been widowed a few months, and was pregnant with Bee. George had just turned 2 and I was struggling to adjust to life as a single Mother.
I started writing with the intention of it being a bit of a diary for the boys when they were older, never really thinking people would care too much. But as I sit here now, with almost 7000 ‘likers’ of the page, and knowing I have a huge team of people by my side, this silence feels less lonely.
This blog turned into a sanctuary when my mind was so full, and my heart was so heavy, that all I could do was frantically offload all my thoughts onto my iPad, in a bid to stop everything spilling out into hurt.
I have shared the happiest of times in the last couple of years, and also the heartbreak. I have shared my hugest fears and my most incredible achievements. I have been as open and honest about the highs and lows of being a young widow.
I have never been a ‘talker’, so this has quite literally changed who I am.
It has brought me new friends, and helped others feel reassured and less alone.
This ride has been incredible, yet devastating at times, and I am so glad to have had the opportunity to share it with so many people. The love and support has got me over some impossible obstacles, so I want to say thank you, to every person that has followed our journey.
Square one wasn’t so bad after all.