The Birds and the Bees

***DAD DON’T READ THIS, I TALK ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES AND IT WOULD BE TOTALLY AWKWARD OK THANKS***

***And anyone else who will blush at some swear words and mention of activities of a sexual nature***

Tonight i want to address sex.

Intercourse, Intimacy, Love Making, Relations, Shagging, Banging, Screwing and out and out Fucking!

I miss so much about Jason. I miss his smile, i miss his laugh, i miss his ginger hair. I have struggled to adapt to not having my person there whenever i need them.

I also miss the sex.

The loss of physical contact with another human being is hard to come to terms with. The flame of passion that goes with a relationship is extinguished, yet the desire for the fire still burns. This is possibly the most taboo subject for Widows and Widowers, but the need for sexual interaction often still remains. It is never spoken about and leaves newly bereaved people feeling guilty for retaining any sort of desires.

I am sorry to tell you this, Susan/Beverley/Clive/John/anyone else with an opinion on what i can and can’t do with my genitals…

MY HUSBAND MIGHT BE DEAD, BUT I STILL HAVE NEEDS!

The term often used within the Widow community for this is ‘Widows Fire’.

Throughout the three years i have found myself justifying my actions and feelings, but that needs to end. Just like all other emotions are amplified, sexual cravings are subject to this too, so i feel it’s time to make people aware that IT IS A REAL THING, and no one should feel ashamed.

When you are used to the touch of another person, their body heat next to yours and the release of Oxytocin at the best part of the whole evening, it is hard to adjust to that no longer being there, especially when you had a great sex life, as Jason and i did.

The need to feel connected to another person could perhaps drive some situations that would have never occurred in a previous life, but so long as everyone is consenting and not in any danger, why should sex be avoided?

I am not ashamed.

As a fairly (extremely) liberal woman, i want to say to anyone who has found themselves Widowed, divorced, separated or just single by choice that it is ok to want sex! I’m not talking a new guy every night (i don’t have enough babysitting offers for THAT), but taking the step in a new relationship, or even finding yourself a friend with benefits is ok. It is not for anyone else to question your choice, or shame you for the decisions you make, unless they come from a place of genuine concern.

It is human and you should go forth and embrace some naked people or whatever.

Don’t like it? Go fuck yourself!