A toddler’s grasp on death

“Mummy, that me with Daddy?”

“No, Beasty. That’s Toby!”

“Why my not with Daddy?”

“Because Daddy died before you met him.”

“That’s sad.”

Yeah Barnaby, it is sad.

So very sad that at 2 1/2 years old you are just starting to grasp what death is.

Before most kid’s first goldfish is found floating and it gets ‘sent back to the ocean’ (via the toilet), you are having to wrap your tiny brain around the fact that you never met your Daddy.

The man you recognise from all our photos, whose voice you never even heard, is still a massive part of your life, even though in reality, none of your life has been with him.

You ask “Is he ok Mummy?” And “When my see him?” Because your understanding only goes as far as he’s not here. Not that he went to work and was electrocuted. Not that he will never ever be back. Not that I HOPE he is ok, but there is no way of knowing.

So much to understand for such a small boy. I promise to try and be everything you need.

My sweet boy, it is very sad.24993325_1862292197138835_7171366367528695191_n