Not so Happy New Year

New year, New Boyfr…..oh no wait, this is the same one as last year!

As everyone hopefully remembers, this is Tom. He and I met in July 2016. After 6 months of being together, we found out that Tom had cancer.

Things were hard. I struggled with the prospect of losing another man I loved. He struggled because he was facing cancer for the third time.

Tom had a Stem Cell Transplant at the start of May, but we sadly went our separate ways at the end of May.

It was a case of self preservation for us both. He needed to physically heal, and I needed to mentally put myself back together. We have both faced so much trauma in our lives that neither of us could be the people we once were.

After a few months, Tom was finally given the amazing news that he was cancer free! He got back in touch and after hours of discussion, we both realised we were stronger together. We needed each other and would do what it took to try and make it work. We both apologised for the roles we had in our separation, and for the first time, both had the clarity we needed to assess ourselves as a couple.

We had a wonderful 4 weeks of dating, getting to know each other again and having fun, until Tom started to feel unwell again.

Christmas Day was a struggle for Tom, although he wanted to see the boys open their presents! He managed to stay at home until Boxing Day, when he returned to the Christie in Manchester, and has been here since.

Tom is suffering with complications from the transplant and has something called Graft Versus Host Disease. It is affecting his liver and guts dramatically. On top of that he has a chest infection, among other things! He isn’t responding to treatment as expected at present and at times, things have seemed very bleak.

We are currently waiting for any change, but are remaining as positive as we can.

He is in an excellent place, being well looked after. I am struggling with anxieties and triggers of my PTSD, however, I am mostly keeping on top of things using techniques I learned in my CBT sessions, so it feels manageable.

Not quite the New Year we hoped for, but at least we have each other and a new understanding of how we can support one another.

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