It is amazing what triggers the emotions.
I can go days without hurting, feeling sad but holding it together, then the smallest thing can drag it all back!
This is what is misunderstood about grief, as people think it is linear and predictable, but it isn’t. It comes at you from nowhere and leaves you sobbing, hiding in the bathroom from your children because you just don’t understand it yourself.
For me it was an old friend’s photo on Facebook that set today’s wave off. They are staying in the same hotel that Tom and I once stayed in and just seeing the room took me right back to that moment.
That place was filled with optimism for us. It was a last minute escape just a few days after Tom was diagnosed with cancer.
He felt rough but we were determined that we were making memories.
We had no idea what laid ahead but we made plans for our life as there was absolutely no way he was going to die.
Tom promised we would go back there when he was better but a year to the day of that promise he died.
I would trade anything to go back and have that hope again for just one moment.
I miss having hope.