An insight into the cluster-fuck that is a double-Widow’s brain. I have a recurring dream that i want to share with you. It is a bit odd.

I am going about my day to day life, as it is now. Smashing double-widowhood with as much force as i can manage.

I go to some sort of event. This varies between movie premieres, theatre performances, gigs, that sort of thing.

During the event, focus turns to me. I am in the spotlight and someone faceless comes over to me.

“Mrs Haslem-Bantoft, the time has come to let you in on a little secret. Your entire life is being broadcast to millions.”

What theeeeee?

“Your Husbands didn’t really die. They are both still alive. Let’s welcome them here now!”

And there they are.

Not dead.

Looking all fancy pants and snazzy.

And you know what i say?

“Well, i didn’t expect it to be announced like this! I expected it to be much more extravagant.”

That is it. Why the heck am i not shocked?! Like this was a normal thing to be told?!

Anyway, from this i can deduce that subconsciously i think a few things.

1.) I wish my Husbands weren’t dead. Obvs.

2.) My life is so unbelievable that it really SHOULD be broadcast. You couldn’t make this shit up!

3.) I have ideas above my station about my importance it seems!

Post dream, i always start my favourite hobby, overthinking! If they were part of the show, did they actually even love me? Why would someone want me to go through that much turmoil? DO I GET PAID FOR THIS?!

Why on earth my mind thinks i need yet MORE useless waffle to think about i don’t know.

Danger Of Electrocution

HANG ON A SECOND….is that actually ME in a photo? With ALL the kids, where they are mostly looking cute?! That isn’t a selfie?!


This is a photo of one of our new traditions since Jason died, pumpkin picking!

It’s hard to do new things when someone is missing, but those new adventures are what keep us going.

Living a life that we are lucky to have, by doing things that make us smile, is the best way to honour those that would love to be by our sides, but had to make an early exit.

Let’s just look past the irony of the electricity tower behind with it’s ‘Warning: Danger of electrocution’ sign…43390526_2287894147911969_1792005792073777152_n


Hello, welcome to my new website!

It has been no easy task, moving content from the old blog page over, copying 3 years worth of Facebook posts and photos, alongside trying to get my head around layout and widgets (what even is that?!). But here it is!

I have tried to make it as easy to navigate as possible and will work on a ‘search by category’ function over the coming days, but i was too excited not to share this yet.

Please have fun having a good nosey through past posts and share with whoever you think may enjoy my misery, oops, story!

Jess 😀


A Bereaved Child

This is the face of a bereaved child.

Still happy. Still having fun. Still incredibly filthy!

Just because a parent is lost, doesn’t mean that the fun stops and childhood is taken away. There is no need to grow up instantly to fill the void that is left. 

Over the next few weeks you will be hearing from some awesome little people about what it is like to have lost a parent and how their life has been impacted.

Awesome little people who still have fun!

Here are Bee’s feet after watching a live band in a field last night, followed by camping 😂42845505_2277956015572449_628892033720778752_n